We first understood that my mom was seriously ill on Christmas Eve, 2021. In 2022 she experienced two hospital stays – one very long after which they sent her home without hope. Two months later, in March, during one of my frequent visits to Pennsylvania, we took mom back to the hospital, knowing the signs were not good. Despite the many reasons this surgery was extremely high risk, she came through. She adapted to her new lifestyle and flourished.

susan and mom june 2023

June 2022

In January 2023, I spent ten days with mom and dad. The day I left, mom fell and broke her hip. She recovered beautifully from the hip replacement. However, during her time in the hospital, they discovered that mom had stage 4, fast-moving cancer with an estimated four to six weeks to live.

mom and charlie february 2023

Mom and Charlie February 2023

My brothers (one from Texas and one from PA) and I took up residence as mom entered hospice at home. Hannah made the trip with me and spent a week before she had to return home. That was a wonderful week, bebopping about on shopping trips and planning fun meals. The diagnosis was hard to believe – things seemed so normal. Until they weren’t.

I kept a short journal of these last weeks. Highlights from the day. Movies we watched. Stories about the jewelry, artwork, and family pieces we explored. All too soon, she started slipping away. Hospice had prepared us well for what to expect.

After two days of mom being unresponsive and agitated, on the morning of March 15, as I came in from the garage, mom said, “Hi,” eyes clear for the first time in days. Surprised, I wandered over to her family room bed and sat beside her. I asked how she was. She motioned that her throat hurt. With clarity, she said, “I want water.” After giving her a sip, where she drank heavily for the first time in days, I asked if I could get her anything.

“Food,” she said. I offered black raspberry ice cream, and she nodded with a gleam in her eye. She ate the entire scoop of ice cream. This after days of eating nothing or taking just a few bites. I cried as I sat there feeding her. She looked at me and asked, “what’s wrong?” I told her that I was just sad that she was sick. It was all I could get out. I told her that I loved her. She whispered in her sore, tiny voice, “I love you.”

A little while later, she pointed and said, “Susan, the light.” I followed her gaze and saw the morning light through the back slider door. I asked if it was too bright – if she wanted me to pull the blinds. Rather, she said, “it’s pretty.”

This was our last conversation. This little window of “terminal lucidity,” as hospice calls it, lasted maybe an hour. I was so very grateful for this last conversation. And so sad that I was the only one to experience it just because I happened to be with her at that moment.

This blog is my happy place. It’s where I share what brings me joy. I don’t dwell on the trouble in the world, the sadness in my heart, or things I cannot change. Yet, this is a moment in time that I never want to forget. Mom passed two days later, in the early hours of March 17th.

selfie with mom

My last selfie with mom.

Nancy Ruth Jordan
November 28, 1939 – March 17, 2023

After almost two months away, I’m now home in Maine, nursing a broken heart over the loss of my mother and having left my father in Pennsylvania – such a hard thing to do. I want to rest a bit and, when ready, embrace all that is wonderful and healing about home in Maine.