The day I’ve been counting down to and dreading finally arrived; Hannah is off to college at Denison University. And there’s a big fat hole in my heart.
Snape (aka Boo) the cat delayed our 5:30 am start; he was determined to avoid the goodbye hug. Hannah made it through the dad farewell okay, but snuggling up her cat put her over the edge.
The car packed to the brim, we made it to Pennsylvania – the first leg of the trip – and stayed with my folks. Without the stopover, the drive to Ohio would take at least 20 hours.
On Wednesday, we made it to Granville. Her dorm is a former fraternity house. She and her roommate (who is from Ohio) have what’s akin to Harry Potter’s cupboard under the stairs.
It’s a tiny room with barely enough space for two people to move around in – but cute. On move-in day we could hear the football team practicing through one window and through another, the band play. It all felt very collegiate – and new to a kid from Downeast Maine where the population is too sparse to support high school football.
Being with her, unpacking and helping her to organize her space gave me peace of mind. The store runs for forgotten items gave me a purpose; made me feel needed.
Leaving her behind was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I cried on and off throughout the six-hour drive back to my parents’ house. I called Paul, sobbing, to tell him that I was leaving campus. And I asked him, “Why did we have only one child?” After a long silence, he suggested that we could rent one.
Hannah’s excitement to be at DU and her readiness for this new adventure are a balm to my bruised heart. I know she’s ready for this and is poised for a great first semester, but I’m already planning for Thanksgiving break!
I remember feeling as you did today. Your pain and her excitement…yes, it was like that. Even having a son at home didn’t protect me from the burning loneliness. Three years ago I watched my daughter struggle with these feelings when her daughter left for a gap year in France. And so it goes.
Thinking of you! Talk to Snape. Take more hikes. It helps!
It is for a season, not forever. How wonderful you have given her such a solid foundation to grow into the woman she will be. Bittersweet times.
I know, it’s a whole new part of your life too. We have only one daughter too (she is 35 now), but I still remember the day she left for a trip to NZ for 6 months and after that she went to college…. 🙁
Take care!
Hang in there Mom. I hear they have DG’s at Denison… well done. LITB–Nancy
True! You can’t imagine her shock when I told her I was in a sorority. LITB!
Paul is likely begining to be worried – he’s the one who is going to be dragged along on the hikes now!
Thinking of you!