Pizza night is a sacred weekly event in our house. Skipping pizza night is cause for mutiny. The homemade beer dough is split three ways and we each make our own individual pizza – or calzone in Hannah’s case. I often cannot finish my pizza, so I wrap up the personally crafted pizza (topped with pepperoni, olives, roasted red peppers and pine nuts) and tuck it in the fridge.
Only to find, that when I return for said pizza, it’s gone. No where to be found. Clearly we have a Pizza Poacher in the house.
“Who ate my pizza?” I ask (okay bellow). Paul boldly replies with statements like:
- “I rescued it.”
- “You abandoned it.”
- “It was lonely.”
What is the statute of limitation before my option on my leftover pizza expires? Does anyone else see the wrongness of this? The violation?
This is what it has come to at my house. Absolutely no Pizza Poaching with out express permission!
In my defense:
I love pizza. I respect it and cherish it. I generally allow 48 hours to pass before rescuing abandoned pizza slices. It has to be done, otherwise the pizza will wind up as some sort of science experiment. That’s just wrong, disrespectful, and a disdainful way to treat leftover pizza. That’s a situation I simply can’t tolerate. It’s a crime! I’m the pizza rescue shelter guy. Someone has to do it. Don’t worry folks: In our house, I maintain a vigilant watch for leftover pizza that has been abandoned, is obviously lonely, and in need of rescue. It’s the very least I can do.
As a frequent victim of Pizza Piracy, I stoutly maintain that the refrigerator life of pizza is 72 hours. That means I have 72 hours after storing my leftover pizza in the frig to claim and consume it. I believe that Pizza Pirates should be keel-hauled, using whatever best approximates a keel within 500 yards of the purloined pizza. Whilst being hauled ’round the keel, the Pizza Pirate should be surrounded by Pizza Partakers chanting ingredients found upon the aforesaid pizza, punctuated by growls of “Avast!” and “Me hearty!” and “Pieces of Eight!”.
That’ll show’em!
Love it! You understand. Paul’s feeling outnumbered!
Abandoned pizza rescue is a service I provide only because I care. It’s a tough job and not without ridicule or chastisement, but someone has to take a stand. I do so proudly! Semper Fidelis.